Birth & Baby Network

For parents on Tyneside

May 18

Safe co-sleeping

by Janine Rudin

 

Did you know that about half of all babies co-sleep with their parents by the time they are 3 months old? And on any given night a fifth of all UK babies spend at least part of the night sleeping with one or both of their parents. (www.isisonline.org.uk)

This is despite co-sleeping being a frowned upon and considered a ‘dangerous’ practice in western society.

Some babies will happily sleep and settle in their Moses Basket or cot but if your baby doesn’t, you can be left feeling frustrated and exhausted and, if you know your baby will settle next to you in bed, chances are this is what is going to happen just so you can get some peace and some well deserved sleep.

According to the Infant Sleep Information Source (ISIS), the most common reason for co-sleeping is breastfeeding. 70-80% of breastfed babies will sleep next to their mother at some point during those early months.

Co-sleeping is a very personal issue – and almost a bit of a taboo subject! It is something that has to be right for you and safe for your baby. If you are bringing your baby into bed with you, you need to make sure that where they sleep is safe, so make sure:

  • Your mattress is firm – if it’s saggy it’s not safe
  • Your baby can’t fall out of bed or get trapped
  • You keep your baby away from pillows
  • Your baby doesn’t go underneath your quilt
  • your bedding cannot cover your baby’s head
  • you don’t leave your baby alone in your bed
  • you or your partner do not smoke, are not drunk or under the influence of drugs

A 2009 study found that in 99% of cases, there was at least one risk factor present – in 75% of cases it was cigarette use by the mother and in 42% of cases either mum or dad had been drinking alcohol.

 

The benefits

  • It can be much easier to breastfeed your baby – as your baby snuggles up next to you; he has greater access to his food, which means he thrives.
  • It means less disturbed nights for you and your baby – your baby may not properly wake up so he is easier to settle, which means you aren’t pacing the floor either!
  • It makes up for any lost touch between mum and baby during the day, especially if mum returns to work. Just because this connection happens during sleep, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t count!  This extra touch can also be needed when your baby is teething, not well, experiencing a growth spurt or a developmental change because they often need more comfort and reassurance during these times.
  • You are meeting the needs of you and your baby if it is what you both want and need to feel settled and easier to sleep

 

Biological Factors

  • A baby who is snuggled up to his mum is the basic way of keeping babies warm and safe.
  • Studies show that infants who sleep near to parents have more stable temperatures, regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing compared to babies who sleep alone.
  • Babies who sleep either in or next to their parents’ bed have a fourfold decrease in the chance of SIDS.
  • Co-sleeping babies grow up with a higher self-esteem, less anxiety, become independent sooner

Resource: www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/scientific-benefits-co-sleeping

 

Sofa-sharing

Due to all the confusion and negative messages about the safety of co-sleeping, many new parents ask about and end up sleeping on the sofa or in an armchair. They may do this deliberately or fall asleep there when feeding their baby.

The research tells us that sleeping on a sofa or in a chair with your baby is hazardous because babies are at a greater risk of being suffocated. According to ISIS: “The sofa is the only sleep environment in which SIDS deaths have increased in recent years, up from 6% in 1993-9 to 16% in 2003-6. This represents an increase from 24-42 deaths per year.”

 

For more information:

www.isisonline.org.uk

www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes

www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/scientific-benefits-co-sleeping

www.bednest.com

 

 For practical help: www.birthandbabybasics.com/postnatal-doula/ or you can email janine@birthandbabybasics.com for more information

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Apr 27

Helping your baby settle to sleep

by Janine Rudin

 

There are no rules about introducing a bedtime time routine, if you have one or not is completely up to you. You might want a bedtime routine from when your baby is a few weeks old or you might feel you don’t need one for several months. The key is being guided by your baby and what you need.

 

Daytime can be busy, noisy and fun with learning, developing new skills, communicating, coping with new sounds, faces and places so helping your baby to settle down for sleep can be about creating a calmer environment. According to The Science of Parenting: “The primary aim at bedtime is to being your child down from a superalert awake state by activating oxytocin and the sleep hormone melatonin…when a soothing routine is used it can help to activate these calming chemicals in the brain.”

  • For some parents the bedtime routine starts with bath time, which can be calm and or happy and splashy, depending on your baby. 
  •  Before you dress your baby, a massage can be a great way to help her wind down. If she isn’t too hungry or too tired, then this can help her feel calm and ready for sleep. It may be more beneficial to do this in a warm, quiet room, with no TV and with dimmed lights.
  • When your baby is dressed plenty of cuddles and milk could be needed.
  • When you talk to your baby, speak quietly and gently. Some parents also like to sing gently to their baby. And it’s never too early to read to your baby, this can be a wonderful addition to those cuddles.
  • Settle your baby to sleep in your usual way – whether this is in her Moses basket or cot or snuggled up next to you.

 

Benefits of having a relaxed bedtime routine mean that:

  • It is calm time with your baby, when you wind down and relax as well.
  • It helps your baby feel calm and secure, so you can use it if you go away and if you are making changes to your baby’s bedtime, such as encouraging her to settle herself or moving into a cot or into her own room.
  • You don’t have to do it at a fixed time, it’s the pattern and responding to your baby that is important, not the timings.

 

It’s important to remember that:

  • You and your baby will both benefit from this time together if you are both relaxed. If you are feeling frustrated and anxious because you want to rush off and do something else, then it may not work because your baby could pick up on your anxiety and be more difficult to settle – which will frustrate you!
  • A bedtime routine is not about helping your baby to sleep all night. It is quite normal for babies to wake throughout the night for food and comfort but it can make your evenings calmer. When your baby wakes in the night, keep the room calm and dimly lit, speak quietly and softly to your baby to encourage her to settle back to sleep again.
  • If you are trying to encourage your baby to settle to sleep on her own, this probably won’t happen straight away especially if she is still a new baby. Babies are designed to need cuddles to feel safe and secure before going to sleep. But having a gentle bedtime routine could enhance her feelings of safety through its familiarity and the quiet time together.
  • It doesn’t always work and sometimes you can’t always be bothered to do it, give yourself a break and don’t feel guilty about it, just pick it up again when it feels right.
  • Be guided by your baby and what feels right for you, change the bedtime routine as you need to, to help your baby settle.

 

Good reads:

Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

The No-cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

www.isisonline.org.uk

 

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Apr 26

Breathing to stay calm

by Janine Rudin

 

What’s this breathing for labour all about then? You know how to breathe – you have done it pretty well up to now so why do you need to learn to breathe for labour?

 Learning to relax and breathe for labour is so important and I know it has made a difference to so many women’s experience of labour and birth. Here’s why…

  • Labour can be an intense time of incredible emotions, discomfort and pain, exhaustion and new physical experiences, with uncertainty and fear thrown in for good measure.  Breathing gives you a positive focus as your body works hard.
  • In labour, your body needs you to be as relaxed and calm as possible to produce the right balance of hormones to help you contract, to reduce any pain you are experiencing and to help you conserve your energy. If you feel panicky, scared and overwhelmed for a period of time, chances are your contractions will hurt more than they need to, your labour may slow and you may feel exhausted.
  • If you dread every contraction, your labour is not going to be a positive experience but if you can use your breathing with each contraction, you have something calm and positive to focus on.
  • Using simple breathing techniques has worked for women having straightforward labours as well as more complicated births, where they have needed to stay calm to keep panic away and to stay involved in any decisions.
  • It’s easy, simple and straightforward to learn and to use and it makes you relaxed, which benefits you and your baby in pregnancy and in labour.
  • Everyone can do it
  • If the alternative is panicking and feeling out of control, then breathing for labour to stay calm has got to be worth investing some time and energy into.
  • Focusing on your breathing during a contraction is a great distraction, otherwise you might just focus on how uncomfortable or painful it is.

Getting started

  • Learn how to relax! And this doesn’t just mean chilling out and watching TV. Really relaxing means focusing on your body and your breathing, switching off and getting to know what your body feels like when it is relaxed, when your breathing slows and deepens and there is no tension in your body.
  • In Relax & Breathe sessions, which are held at The RVI and in North Shields, you will be able to completely switch off, relax and de-stress, while learning how to focus on your breathing to stay calm and stress-free in pregnancy and in labour. You will also be given different techniques for working with your contractions.
  • Making time to relax is great preparation for labour and birth because it’s great for you and it’s great for your baby too!

 

Here’s some of the feedback:

“My husband couldn’t believe how calm I was, I was just breathing through my contractions.”

“I just had your words in my head – I took each contraction one at a time. If I started to feel panicky, I just closed my eyes and focused on my breathing.”

“It really made a difference, I felt calm. My midwife couldn’t believe how calm I was.”

“The sessions were so relaxing, it was my time to just switch off and focus on me and my baby.”

“It was the best thing I could have done – I don’t think Thank You really conveys what you gave me – but Thank You!”

“I managed to get to 10cms with my tens machine and my breathing-my blowing bubbles!! I just kept remembering what we had practised and anytime I didn’t have control of my breathing I just thought ‘bubbles’!!”

“The breathing works! Thank you, thank you. I blew bubbles all the way through my labour and my midwife couldn’t believe how calm I was.”

So if you are unsure about how you are going to handle your contractions, if you are feeling frightened or you just want to feel as best prepared for labour as possible – come along to some Relax & Breathe classes, you have nothing to lose but so much to gain…

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Apr 20

Baby sleep

by Janine Rudin

Everyone probably asks how your baby sleeps and you may feel permanently knackered and desperate for some more sleep. Parents in the western world are part of a culture where it is considered the norm to think that a baby’s sleep pattern needs a solution, that’s why there are shelves full of books offering routines, strategies and a quick fix for tired mums and dads.

Sleep deprivation can be one of the hardest things to cope with when we have our babies – we live in a fog, feeling permanently knackered and we are more than a tad grumpy!

So what is normal? And, by wanting our young babies to sleep through the night, are we expecting far too much from them and from ourselves?

  • Babies have small stomachs and they need to feed often, which is why they need to wake and feed at least every 2-3 hours. As babies grow they can go longer between feeds – breast milk is quickly and easily digested so babies need to feed regularly throughout the day and night. Babies who are formula fed may go slightly longer between feeds as it takes longer for the milk to be digested.
  • Studies have found that the majority of babies do not sleep all night, every night until they are at least a year old. One study investigating infant sleep found that 27% of babies had not regularly slept from 10pm to 6am by the age of 1 year. 13% of babies had not regularly slept through for 5 hours or more by the age of 1 year. (from www.isisonline.org.uk)

 

Basic sleep facts…

How we sleep

  • Adult sleep cycles are 90 minutes long
  • The sleep cycle means we pass through different phases of sleep – from quiet sleep to deep sleep and then back to quiet sleep again. If we wake at the end of our cycle, we quickly settle again and our sleep doesn’t feel disturbed
  • Altogether about ¾ of our sleep is quiet sleep, when our brain rest and recharges, and ¼ is deep/REM Sleep, when we dream and our brain processes information.

 

How babies sleep

  • Babies sleep differently to an adult because they fall into REM sleep first – when they can be woken up easily – before moving into Quiet Sleep – when they can be moved quiet easily.
  • A baby’s sleep cycle is 60 minutes long, which is why some babies seem to wake quite frequently because they wake and may need comfort and security, as well as food, to settle again.
  • Young babies experience more REM sleep time because their brain is still developing.
  • As a baby gets older and develops, they will experience more Quiet Sleep than REM sleep, which means they will be able to sleep for longer periods.

 

Your baby is totally dependent on you. You provide him with warmth and protection, frequent access to food and you help his body and his brain develop – when babies are born their ability to control their body temperature, breathing and heart rate is underdeveloped and their brain connections are still being formed. Your baby needs to be close to you for all of these things to happen.

 

 

So, how can we cope with sleep deprivation in those early months?

  • Keep life simple – do the basics and leave everything else or delegate! As long as your family has some clean clothes, some food to eat and somewhere to sleep, what else needs doing?
  • Eat as well as you can to give your body all the nutrients it needs to give you energy. And that doesn’t mean cooking big meals – plenty of fruit and simple meals like jacket potatoes or something on toast are quick, easy and nutritious.
  • Try to get out and about a bit – a drop-in, a baby group or just for a walk. You don’t have to plan something for every day but 2-3 times a week may help feel energized and it’s great to talk to other mums too because, chances are, they are just as knackered as you!
  • Snuggle up and sleep during the day – ignore what needs doing, you need to rest!
  • Ask for help – whether it is from your partner, family or a paid for service, there is no shame in needing some extra support! In other cultures, other people within the community help to look after the whole family, the mother isn’t expected to do it all on her own…
  • Keep your baby close at night, she might settle better and, if you are breastfeeding, you can respond to her without properly having to wake up. This can mean having the Moses basket right next to the bed, co-sleeping in your bed or using a three-sided cot if you don’t feel comfortable about co-sleeping.
  • Accept that this is how it is for a while, it is normal and it is what your baby needs to grow and develop.

 For more information about baby sleep: go to www.isisonline.org.uk

Articles to come:

Baby bedtime routines and how to help your baby to sleep
Safe co-sleeping
Safe cot sleeping

 

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Feb 17

What do new mums need?

by Janine Rudin

 In those first few hours and days…

OMG you have had a baby, and it needs YOU! And chances are you feel like you really haven’t got a clue what to do. How do I feed him? Is he feeding enough? Why is he crying? Why won’t he sleep? Is he sleeping too much? Why does he only want to sleep on me, what’s wrong with the Moses Basket? Repeat, repeat, repeat until you start crying and reach for the wine.

What do you need to help during this time? You might feel that you need a solution, that you need rescuing, that you need some control among the new chaos. The chances of that happening are slim because, unfortunately you have to live it and learn to cope because it will get easier and you will adapt to the new responsibilities that can overwhelm you at the start.

Tips for sanity:

  • Take it easy – rest, eat and drink
  • Cuddle your baby and see what comes naturally
  • Ask for help or just ignore the household chores
  • Support each other
  • If you need support with breastfeeding, seek it out because it really can make all the difference – you have your midwife, you can contact the La Leche League, or use a postnatal doula

 

In the first few days and weeks…

Don’t be surprised if you haven’t fallen into a routine yet, if life is chaotic and you feel like you are lurching from day to night and back again in a haze. You have made it through the first few days but now your partner is heading back at work and now it’s down to you.

It can feel isolating and daunting to take your baby out on your own because you can feel worried about being able to feed your baby and changing his nappy while you are out, what if he cries because what will people think of you, will you be judged on your ability as a parent?

Tips for sanity:

In addition to the above five tips,

  • Find places you can go with your baby to meet other mums
    Ask your health visitor for information about drop-ins and places to go
    Check out the Birth & Baby Network drop-in
    If you have friends with babies, meet up with them and ask them where they go
  • Give yourself some time to find your feet you may just need some support in these early weeks, somewhere to go where you will be listened to and where you won’t be judged. It can be trial and error in the beginning but there is a lot going on out there so, chances are, you will find something that feels right for you.
  • Small groups can be ideal initially, as your confidence grows.
    Wednesday Natter
    Confident Mums & Baby Massage
  • You will have days when you feel lost and confused but you will also have days when you feel like it has all clicked into place
  • It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!

 

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