Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a huge fan of Gina Ford but I am a live and let live kind of person and I fully accept that what doesn’t appeal to some parents, will appeal to others. If The Contented series gives you more control and confidence as a parent, then I certainly won’t argue with that. But I am really not sure what to make of this latest ‘advice’.
If a new mum wants to have sex with her man, that is fantastic, go for it, enjoy it, have fun! But if she doesn’t feel physically or emotionally ready, does she really need extra pressure on her shoulders to make her feel guilty, like she is failing her man and jeopardising the relationship?
Surely a couple can feel connected and intimate without having sex, especially if a new mum doesn’t feel ready. What’s wrong with a cuddle and a snuggle, some kisses and enjoying some time together?
And as for ‘grin and bear it’ – what?!!! What century are we in? And does a woman’s partner really want to have sex when she won’t enjoy it, when she doesn’t feel ready, when she feel it is her ‘duty’?? This sounds far more damaging to a relationship.
I certainly didn’t feel ready to have sex within 6 weeks of having my babies – I had stitches, I was sore, my boobs hurt and I was knackered. Sex wasn’t even on the list and, if my husband felt shut out, that was just tough! He was an adult, he could just get over it. This issue was never about rejection, it was about feeling ready to enjoy each other again.
As far as I am concerned, communication is vital – be honest, tell your partner how you feel if you are not ready. It will feel right eventually and getting to that point without guilt or pressure will probably mean you have a healthier relationship.