birth&babynetwork « Birth & Baby Network

Sex before you’re ready…

by Janine Rudin

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2110738/Don-t-say-sex-ready-childcare-guru-Gina-Ford-tells-new-mothers.html

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a huge fan of Gina Ford but I am a live and let live kind of person and I fully accept that what doesn’t appeal to some parents, will appeal to others. If The Contented series gives you more control and confidence as a parent, then I certainly won’t argue with that. But I am really not sure what to make of this latest ‘advice’.

If a new mum wants to have sex with her man, that is fantastic, go for it, enjoy it, have fun! But if she doesn’t feel physically or emotionally ready, does she really need extra pressure on her shoulders to make her feel guilty, like she is failing her man and jeopardising the relationship?

Surely a couple can feel connected and intimate without having sex, especially if a new mum doesn’t feel ready. What’s wrong with a cuddle and a snuggle, some kisses and enjoying some time together?
And as for ‘grin and bear it’ – what?!!! What century are we in? And does a woman’s partner really want to have sex when she won’t enjoy it, when she doesn’t feel ready, when she feel it is her ‘duty’?? This sounds far more damaging to a relationship.

I certainly didn’t feel ready to have sex within 6 weeks of having my babies – I had stitches, I was sore, my boobs hurt and I was knackered. Sex wasn’t even on the list and, if my husband felt shut out, that was just tough! He was an adult, he could just get over it. This issue was never about rejection, it was about feeling ready to enjoy each other again.

As far as I am concerned, communication is vital – be honest, tell your partner how you feel if you are not ready. It will feel right eventually and getting to that point without guilt or pressure will probably mean you have a healthier relationship.

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Information Sheets

by Janine Rudin

If you are pregnant or have a new baby, here are some
free information sheets that may be of use:

Beautiful Birth

by Janine Rudin

Each week I am going to add a link to a birth video to show how women move and sound in labour, how partners can provide support and how quickly women can smile again after giving birth!

This one is just beautiful…

water birth

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6 ways to prepare for birth

by Janine Rudin

1. Get your head ready

So you can feel calmer, better prepared and able to believe in your ability to birth your baby

2. Antenatal Classes

Book on to some good antenatal classes, where your partner can also gain information and find out more about support in labour. Antenatal classes should just be about gaining information - good classes promote discussion, enable parents to ask questions, and they provide breathing skills and positions to aid rest and comfort in labour.

3. Read some good books

The Encyclopaedia of Pregnancy & Birth by Janet Balaskas and Yehudi Gordon
Homebirth by Nicky Wesson
Expecting by Daphne Metland & Anna McGrail
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin
Birth Your Way by Sheila Kitzinger
Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger

4. Decide where you are having your baby:

At home
RVI
Wansbeck
North Tyneside Midwifery-led unit
QE

5. Maternity ward tour

If you are booking into hospital, it can be useful to visit your maternity unit. This visit can help you familiarize yourself with the unit, ask questions and to find out practical information such as parking and what happens when you go into the unit in labour.

6. Relax

A great way to prepare for labour and birth is to learn how to relax and let go of tension, so your body can do what it needs to do in labour. Focusing on relaxing your body helps you get to know how your body feels when it is tense and how it feels when you slow your breathing down and let go of any tension, stress or anxiety.

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Looking after yourself in pregnancy…

by Janine Rudin

You may feel absolutely fantastic throughout your pregnancy or you may feel a tad pants, especially in those early weeks. And, while I believe that you are not ill just pregnant, you are still growing another human being and that is pretty awesome so you do need to look after yourself and reward yourself with some pampering, me time and little extra attention.

Eat well

Sometimes this is easier said than done, especially in the first trimester when you may feel sick but a balance of healthy snacks and freshly prepared meals will keep you going. It can be tempting to fall into the biscuit barrel, but try the fruit bowl instead. And if you can’t face a huge meal, beans on toast will do the job, as will porridge or a bowl of cereal, and they are so much better for you and baby than a bag of crisps with a chocolate chaser.

Sleep and rest

Pregnancy can be a time of complete and utter exhaustion in the early weeks and then again towards the end of pregnancy as we carry the extra weight of baby and amniotic fluid. Chances are you are also at work and/or looking after a toddler, so the opportunity for rest is not great but it can be beneficial to make the most of some early nights and the chance to get some rest at the weekends.

Take it easy as your body changes

Listen to your body and try not to overdo it. As your bump grows and your body changes, you may find that you are unable to be as active as you were. This doesn’t mean that you can’t still be active – you may just need to slow your pace a little or switch to classes with a pregnancy fitness specialist such as pilates http://birthandbabynetwork.com/pilates/
or pregnancy aerobics http://birthandbabynetwork.com/fitness/

Treat yourself to a massage

It is relaxing, wonderfully indulgent and very beneficial! http://birthandbabynetwork.com/reflexology-massage/

Aches and pains

If you have back ache, hip pain or discomfort in your pubic bone – get yourself along to a chiropractor to be realigned and the feed back from pregnant women is fantastic. http://birthandbabynetwork.com/chiropractor

Make some time to relax

Even a few minutes a day is completely achievable. Enjoy a soak in the bath, enjoy that few minutes of peace in bed before you drift off to sleep, go to weekly Relaxation sessions, where it’s just you and bump chilling together http://birthandbabynetwork.com/antenatal-classes/

And looking after yourself also means getting in touch with your GP or midwife if you don’t feel well, don’t feel ‘right’ or just need some extra reassurance about your changing body.

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Birth & Baby Network

For parents on Tyneside

Sex before you’re ready…

Information Sheets

If you are pregnant or have a new baby, here are some
free information sheets that may be of use:

Beautiful Birth